Hospital Beds
by leader of lights
Summary: During a hospital stay, Toris receives an unexpected visitor that helps him remember how to smile.


The hospital room was clean enough; Toris could give it that much. It held enough beds for six, all filled, but any disarray was sorted out in time. The beds were simple and easy to take care of. The walls and floors were plain. Patients were compliant, if only out of being too weak to do anything else. He couldn't call it quiet, however, even at night.

Sharing a room with five others was made more comfortable each time someone opened his mouth to speak. Sometimes, it was just to comment aimlessly, and their already soft voices trailed away. Other times, conversations were struck, open to anyone, even just to listen. When comfort couldn't be found where they lay, past their pain, they found it in each other. Few visitors filled this need.

After the sun set, the sounds most often heard were creaking beds and moans of misery.

Doctor visits were rare. They cared about their patients-they made this clear when they had time to spare for them. Room after room was filled with ailing people, more than they could handle. With free health care came situations like this, Toris understood. He just couldn't help wishing they could be more helpful when the pain hit him hardest.

Toris had been lying in this hospital for days. He felt no better than when he had arrived, which wasn't even a moment he could remember. At least the fever of the night before had broken. He was told he had a fracture in his arm, several broken ribs and severe head trauma that had kept him unconscious for the majority of the first two days of his stay. The other afflictions were clear to anyone that looked his direction: a blackened eye, a pale complexion that wasn't warming up with time. Toris could feel why, down somewhere in a hidden chamber of his heart. This time, he had all but given up. He knew a step outside would simply be a step back into darkness, even when the sun shone in through the room's windows on a daily basis.

If leaving this place meant returning to the cause of these injuries, he didn't care about healing at all. Whenever Toris caught himself thinking this, he shoved it back down where it came from and tried to forget. Forgetting was hard to do.

This day marked the exit of one of his roommates. It happened early in the morning, when most of them were still asleep. Whoever had been awake never spoke up about what he'd seen. They talked about where the one gone was off to now, which was hopefully a place less crowded. No one suggested it might be a place he'd never be able to leave. In a place like this hospital, that was more than a slight possibility.

This day also marked the arrival of his first visitor. Toris hadn't expected anyone, but when a familiar face stepped through the doorway he couldn't suppress a feeling of joy. The first thing he saw was a sandy blond cowlick, followed by questioning blue eyes that didn't seem sure they'd found the correct room. When those eyes met his, they lit up, and Toris was struck with a blow of self-consciousness. He didn't want anyone, especially this man, to see him like this. Here, there was nowhere to hide.

"Toris! How are you feeling? Did Ivan do this to you?" Alfred demanded before he'd even made it all the way to Toris's bedside. He was always in such a rush to get things done when motivated enough to do them in the first place. Toris found this cute, back when he worked as Alfred's housekeeper. He had no idea how to deal with it now.

"C-Calm down, Mister Jones," Toris told him, nearly panicked, while Alfred pulled up a chair without lifting it from the floor. The scraping sound it made wasn't pleasant. "Some people are trying to rest. This is a hospital..."

In as much of a hurry as before, Alfred sat down on the very edge of the chair. "I know, that's why-" His eyebrows raised; he had realized how close to shouting he was as the following words were at a normal volume. "That's why I'm here. I can't believe you are." Worry lines traced his youthful face, making him look older than the last time they'd met.

Toris bit his lip and looked away. Under such scrutiny he must look even worse. "Don't worry. I'll be well enough to go home in no time," he said, tears pricking at the corners of his eyes, mixing with the stings and aches of the rest of his body. That was a lie. Even the doctor that had examined him recently decided not to sugarcoat his observation. This time, there was no guarantee he'd leave this bed alive.

If Alfred caught on to his uncertainty, he said nothing about it. Instead, he took Toris's left hand in both of his and squeezed it gently. He'd chosen the unbroken arm. "I've been so busy lately, I just heard about you yesterday. I'm sorry I couldn't be here sooner." His hands were firm and warm. Before Toris could reply, Alfred leaned over and kissed the hand he held.

Toris's eyes widened. It took every bit of self-control in his body to not tear his hand away as quickly as possible. It wasn't Alfred's fault, and Alfred shouldn't have to pay for it. It was someone else causing every alarm he had to go off by pressing his lips to one of the few places he hadn't scarred. The other man was the one who inflicted so many injuries amidst a flurry of affection, whose coldness left him feeling lonelier than anything else. Some nights, the torment left him too miserable to scream, and all he could do was laugh.

"Please don't apologize," he managed to choke out when Alfred straightened up. What color he had in his face had drained away, he was sure.

With a shake of his head, Alfred released his hand. "I should've been here." A determined expression overtook his features, twisting them into something more often seen than concern. "I should've been able to protect you... I would have if you were still staying with me," he added, clenching and unclenching his fists from having nothing better to do with them.

Toris was at a loss for words. He struggled to think of something to say that would hide how deeply he was affected by the mention of their brief time together-or at least, not betray it. "It's not your fault," he decided on, glancing around him to make sure no one else was absorbed in their conversation. Any distraction at all would work. He wanted to forget his injuries and cling to Alfred's jacket, to inhale that scent of hamburgers and coffee he remembered so faintly. He simply couldn't, and he knew it.

Working for Alfred had been like heaven. Alfred was always hyperactive and kind, a combination Toris hadn't expected to appreciate in an employer or friend as much as he did. Around his house, stepping out into the sunlight was something he looked forward to each day. The worst injuries Toris received were minor cuts from cooking and cheeks that hurt from too much smiling. Leaving meant forgetting how to smile.

"That's still no excuse," Alfred responded, "...But I guess it doesn't matter now, does it?" Nothing could change the past. He folded his hands together and smiled at Toris lying still in the hospital bed. Behind his glasses shone a fondness that had appeared often in the past. "I hope you don't mind me sticking around for a while. It was a long trip."

Perhaps Toris hadn't forgotten how to smile. Alfred's was infectious. "Not at all. Stay as long as you like."

Alfred remained at his side until sunset altered the color of the walls and the faces of everyone in the room. They held a conversation the whole time, with Alfred doing most of the talking, and Toris not minding at all. He spoke of what was happening in his country and who he'd run into on the way to the hospital. He managed to weave in any random detail that popped into his head. All of it left Toris feeling more lighthearted and painless than he had in the longest time.

"I should leave before they kick me out," Alfred said at length, standing to return the chair to the side of the room. Each movement was calmer and more drawn out than the frantic way he'd come in.

Toris felt his heart stop. He searched his mind for any way to keep Alfred by him, and finding no solution, resigned to the inevitable by going numb. "Yes, you should," he echoed mechanically. Once Alfred left, he'd be alone again, even with five others sharing the hospital room with him. Whenever he slept, he dreamed of all the hospital beds in the building, all empty. Only his remained occupied, and he truly was alone.

Alfred was still cheerful when he was back beside Toris. One hand rested in the pocket of his bomber jacket. "Next time, I swear I'll be your hero if you let me," he promised under the fading sunlight. He removed his hand from his pocket, took Toris's hand once more, then bent over to whisper something in his ear.

Stunned, Toris watched as Alfred turned and walked out of the room. Until he was out of sight, what he said didn't register.

"When you get out of here," Alfred had whispered, "Marry me."

The tears that threatened Toris hours before spilled over, warming his cheeks and causing them to sting all at once. At first they fell accompanied by silence, but the sobs weren't far behind. In his fist he held a ring.

* * *

**Author's Note: **The stars are Lithuania and America, the setting is a Soviet hospital, and the influence was the amazing song 'Shiva' by The Antlers. Thank you so much for reading! :D I don't write too many serious things, so if you could review and tell me what you think, I'd be so happy~

Russia/Lithuania is fun to portray with Lithuania being a masochist, I know. But I wanted to try for something darker here (due to my ridiculous sudden inspiration to write this).

This is also featured under my account on deviantart, but will probably be better appreciated here. I hope. :3

And, of course, I don't own Hetalia or any of these characters. What is my own is the telling of this story.


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